“Girls can’t never say they want it. Girls can’t never say how. Girls can’t never say they need it. Girls can’t never say now.”
Ladies — YES. WE. CAN.
Say it with me and say it loud — Sex is a part of our divine feminine; it’s a part of our basic needs to connect to ourselves sexually.
Unfortunately, we as women have been conditioned to suppress our sexual existence. We as women have been taught that exploring our sexuality is wrong; our mothers told us society would label us as “too fast” and men would not respect us. So, here we are, decades later, intrigued by the notion of fixing our sex and unlearning preconceived thoughts. We are curiously obsessed with the idea of pleasure, tapping into our sacred sexual energy, exploring our bodies, female masturbation, AND wait for it — experiencing sex with women.
According to Jade’s Desire, it is a woman’s right to say when, where, and how when it comes to feeding all of our sexual desires, fantasies, and curiosities. Jade’s Desire is an author, blogger, and women’s sexual empowerment advocate. She is also a mother of four boys and a sexual assault survivor. Jade recently released her book, “The Real Thoughts Of A Sexual Submissive”, a collection of short stories of her sexual experiences and relationships. She also has a podcast called “The Sexual Submissive”.
This is what Jade had to say about her sexuality, educating her sons about sex, and living as a sexually empowered woman.
What made you want to publicly share your story about being sexually assaulted and how has sharing your story aided in your healing process?
JD: I thought it was important to share my truth because so many women clam up and die; thinking it is their fault and it is not at all. I had my family support and that meant more to me than anything. I went to therapy. It helped a little bit, but overall it was my family and friends that helped me to heal. I prayed a lot. My grandmother put me in the middle of the mirror and told me to look at myself and tell her what I see. My answer was “dishonor”. She wanted to know what I meant, and I told her that I felt like I had dishonored my family by letting this happen to me. She told me not to ever think like that because some men feel that just because they have a certain status that can do whatever they want and take whatever they want. She told me “I [you] didn’t do anything but tell him no. A man’s ego is fragile and, being a powerful man, he couldn’t handle being told no. A blow to the ego is the worst”.
How has being a survivor of sexual assault shaped your sexuality and/or sexual experiences?
JD: Being a survivor makes you stronger. It made me embrace myself and learn who I am sexually. I had to learn myself all over again and know my self-worth. The experience gave me a different sexual appetite. I became more aggressive and I had to learn to be submissive sexually.
As a single mother of four boys, what conversations are you having with them about sex, women, and their own sexuality?
JD: That’s funny because I knew I needed to be creative. I have “hawt boys”; meaning, they are incredibly attractive, and I needed them to know what’s going on in the world. So, me being the character that I am, I decided to make it fun, somewhat. I did a PowerPoint presentation of all the STD’s seen and unseen. I taught them about spermicide, which I was surprised to learn that some grown men did not know what that is. I came fully loaded. I had a banana and a dildo. My oldest looked at me crazy when I pulled out the dildo, but I just laughed and said, “you’ll be alright”. I was with my youngest son’s father at the time, so he chimed in every now and then and gave the males perspective. For the most part, they were very well versed and educated as it relates to sex. They are extremely comfortable with who they are sexually, and even having a gay son he was still very well educated about sex. As a part of the conversation they also had to sign contracts indicating that they had to go to college and take at least one year to travel before having children; especially if they were not married. I’m proud of the fact that while my other friends were having their first grandchild at a young age, I wasn’t (jokes to myself).
What questions are your sons asking you about sex?
JD: My three oldest boys are now grown and on their own. I may get a question every now and then, but for the most part, they always tell me how lucky they were with what I gave them. My youngest son is now 14 and his father and I will be having the talk with him soon.
What does it mean for you to live unapologetically as a sexually empowered woman?
JD: For me, it’s really simple. Don’t apologize for shit. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for who you are. If you know who you are sexually, embrace it. There are so many women that feel like you can’t do certain things, but that is far from the truth. My aunt taught me to be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Again, always be confident, be secure, and be strong. Know who you are and embrace it. Never let anyone, and I mean anyone, tell you what’s best for you. This is your life. Live it and enjoy it.
What advice do you have for women who want to explore their sexuality or be sexually empowered?
JD: I see sexuality like food. How do you know what you like or don’t like if you don’t try it? If you have thoughts about something then I encourage you to try it, embrace it, and be open to it. If you have never experienced a woman before you should experience it. By no means am I encouraging homosexuality; but I’m just saying everyone woman should experience another woman. No one can teach you or know your body like a woman.
With women like Jade’s Desire changing the narrative of women and sexuality, ladies, please give yourself permission to reclaim your power and embrace becoming a sexually empowered woman. It is more than acceptable. It’s our truest form of self.
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