February is the month of love. Being single during this month can be very depressing and remind you of how lonely you are especially during Valentine’s Day.
Dr. Kres Snyder, a founder of one of the most prominent all-black women group therapy practices in the Chicagoland area, Minds Empowered Counseling Services, and a holistic sex therapist, shares mental health reasons why leaning into your feelings is okay. You can apply Dr. Snyder’s advice to your everyday life whether you are single or in a relationship.
Define sex therapy and how has it helped individuals improve mentally and physically?
What I have learned most is that one size does not fit all. While my skills are great, and I take every opportunity to learn and stay current with the research, we have to rely on others. I rely on Pelvic Floor Physical therapists, acupuncturists, therapists, and herbalists to aid in optimal treatment. I make sure we are treating the mind and body. In my office, I utilize a range of techniques, from deep breathing exercises to sensate focus exercises that the couple can explore to emotionally focused activities to attune and communicate more effectively. We monitor supports, stressors, and desires in a way that ensures the mind and body, and spirit can be ready for intimacy, desires, and arousals.
On Valentine’s Day, so many people felt lonely and depressed, what are other ways they could have enjoyed this day of love if single?
I will state my plan and welcome anyone to make it their own. Single life is hard. It can be especially hard on the “love” holiday. The day before, I am going to wake up and play some nice music and dance around my house naked for a while. After, I’ll shower and make sure to enjoy the scents of my lotion and oils that I use to moisturize myself. I will dress in the mirror and remind myself that I’m badass, telling myself that I love myself. I plan to take myself to a nice brunch and converse with the bartenders and those around me. After that, I’m going to take a walk in downtown Chicago and buy myself a gift. Finally, I’m going to come home and sit in my living room reflecting on my goals, personal and business needs and offer positive thoughts towards those things. On Valentine’s Day, I want to call a bunch of friends and remind them why I love them. I have a FaceTime movie date with my daughter to watch our favorite romantic comedy.
The thing is love is awesome. Love though comes in many forms. We can’t forget to express and welcome love in all its ways. The more we lean into it the more, we have the opportunity to enjoy it when it comes romantically.
Why do you feel therapy about intimacy is often overlooked with couples?
Intimacy in couples is more and more in trouble. I am not sure why but there is even a bigger shift to the orgasms as the focal point of intimacy versus simply the potential for pleasure and fun. We have forgotten about cuddling, massaging, sexting, and kissing in line at the grocery store. We have forgotten that intimacy shouldn’t always be sexual, but more about a way to connect, to ground us. Sex Therapy helps bring that back. We shift away from the pressure on the penis holder and away from the orgasm so much and really focus on connection and intimacy, and I can directly say I’m watching stress go down. Communication improves, unworkable conflicts become compromised and understood.
How do you feel men and women can better understand their partner in the bedroom outside of just going for what they know?
This may sound cliché, but communication is everything. I require all my couples to have a “State of the Union” meeting at least once a month. They also engage in sensate exercises 2-3 times a week. Sensate focus is a technique used to improve intimacy and communication between partners around sex, reduce sexual performance anxiety, and shift away from ingrained, goal-oriented sexual patterns that may not be serving a couple. It’s also important during intimacy to speak up when something feels good and when it doesn’t help, then learn what the need is. Also, it’s important to read together. There is an app called the Gottman Card desks. It has great exploratory questions and activities that couples can engage in to enhance communication, intimacy, and connection.
What upcoming projects or events do you have that readers can look forward to?
This is the question I was super excited about. MEC has launched; MEC for Moms. It is a direct focus on the many layers of women. Different groups will run for moms all year round, such as our fertility group, our single mom’s group, our Black Women’s stress group, and our Teen Mom’s group.
We also have our national #gottherapy pledge. It is a charge for people to accept the call of wellness in their daily life. It asks us all to remove the stigma associated with therapy and mental health.
Dr. Snyder also specializes in marital, couple, and other alternative lifestyles. Her recent e-book, “How to Kick Life’s Ass-And Look Dope Doing It,” made Amazon’s Best New Releases list in 2021.
Instagram: @mindsempoweredcounseling
Website: www.mindsempowered.org
Images Credit: Gordon Oliver Jr. /Courtesy of GLO Photography & Fine Arts
Follow Us On Social Media!
