Photo by Dellon Thomas
Thinking about finally being more with your friend, but do not want the relationship label? Then you want friends with benefits, but are you truly ready?
For as long that I can remember, many have always thought that people could not be JUST friends due to the sexual nature of wanting to get right into it. Fun fact, actually really really sad fact, if you’re going to have sex with your male or female friend, and it is mutual, then go for it! However, most people that go for the friends with benefits end up catching feelings, Whoa there! Earlier this week on Instagram, Therapy for Blacks recently posted a set of guidelines to follow when you are ready to enter friends’ arrangement with benefits (FWB).
Be honest with yourself about whether it is an arrangement you can manage?
You want to ask yourself if you actually want a relationship or just want to have sex. Are you mentally and emotionally, ok? Can you handle this person having sex with other people? Most importantly, do you have a spend the night bag? What if you cannot spend the night and have to leave soon after? It is so many thoughts that play into managing an arrangement, but you want to make sure that you are healthy if this situationship ends.
Understand the limitations that come with this type of arrangement
If you like to date for food, gifts, or trips, you may not be ready for an FWB arrangement. So, you must remember that no one is obligated to feed you, nurture you, or even check on you during this arrangement. That is not all. REMEMBER, you are not a couple; you are just having fun. It is natural to start developing “Romantic feelings,” but make sure to check yourself and see if the feelings are mutual; if not, then you have the choice to accept those limitations or move on.
Set boundaries and communicate
With any important and even unimportant relationships, you must set boundaries and TALK TO EACH OTHER! Tell your FWB what you need and want from the arrangement; you will see if the needs are different or similar and set boundaries from there. It is ok if you do not want the same thing; this is grounds for working on what you want or stopping the arrangement before it becomes too much. Your FWB will appreciate the honesty and may wish to work out with you.
As I said, set boundaries because you may not feel comfortable with your FWB with sleeping with other people, but they will not know that unless you communicate what you want initially. Lastly, when discussing your boundaries be gentle and stern because you are both benefiting, but no one being benefited if the arrangement is starting rude and demanding. If you have a hard time setting boundaries and never been in FWB arrangement, then practice roleplaying dialogue with your best friend. Males you can practice setting boundaries by recording yourself and responding in different ways.
A friend with benefits relationship can be enjoyable and interesting when both people remember why they started, when communication and boundaries are clear and when everything is consented.
Resources: Ig: @Therapyforblackgirls
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