As a child growing up, we are embedded with a mosaic of positive and negative impressions, which can have a profound effect on how we behave in society and on what we think and feel like as adults. It’s not until we grow into our twenties and thirties that we begin the process of coming into our own. However, we must be aware of the possibility of our younger experiences creeping into our adulthood to bring about turmoil. These inner conflicts can disrupt our adult lives leading us down a path filled with unwarranted distractions, insecurities, and self-doubt.
Dr. Paris delves into how our younger voice which always lurks in the background, if we allow it, can manifest and cause chaos in our adult lives. Oftentimes, it is our younger voice that weighs heavily on the choices we make, how we interact in society, and the quality of the relationships we have; thereby, dictating the quality of our lives. In many instances, that little boy or little girl has disrupted our paths but we don’t realize it until it’s too late.
Dr. Paris Love will share tips and strategies on how to quiet that voice and embrace your younger self without losing your power.
Femi Mag: As a child, we have many experiences, some help and some hurt us. How do you think childhood experiences can impact people as adults?
Dr. Paris: Great questions. Our childhood experiences, good, bad, or indifferent can have a lasting effect on us in our adult years. If you had a happy childhood, you normally see happy adults and vice versa if you had an unhappy childhood. Right? Not necessarily, although having a happy childhood can lead to happiness and well-being as an adult. You tend to do better in relationships, your mental health is better. But let’s say something happened during those ‘happy’ childhood moments. A teacher says you aren’t ‘smart enough’ or you should ‘try harder.’ Those four words can haunt you like a bad dream. You start to doubt yourself, feel unworthy, question your greatness, and may even experience imposter syndrome.
Femi Mag: How important is it for an adult to embrace their younger self and negative experiences to move on with their life?
Dr. Paris: We can’t change the past; all we can focus on is the present. Recognize the negative experiences but don’t ‘live’ in that place of negativity. We must understand that what happened was a stepping stone to who we are. Learn from the experience and move on. Yes, easier said than done. But this I know for sure, what we focus on, expands. What we think about, we bring about. If you focus on the bad, guess what you will experience it. When we think positively, guess what, it happens. Sometimes, we get complacent in our ways and don’t know how much harm it does so why not try something different.
Here’s an exercise. Someone says something to you that you don’t like. You, in turn, get upset and say things you really don’t mean, and then you blame them for your bad mood and the situation. Try this instead. I tell my coaching clients when something doesn’t go as planned or someone says something off the cuff, simply take a step back and say, “Hmm, that’s interesting.” Then respond accordingly. When you take a moment to acknowledge what happens, it gives you an opportunity to react differently rather than flying off the handle. We have to make the choice not to react in a negative way but be the better person. We can always agree to disagree.
Likewise, with situations that happened when we were children, we blame our parents, uncle, aunt, cousin, friend, or whoever it is. Remember, our parents did the best they could with what they knew. At some point, someone has to say, “I know this is how it has always been, but it doesn’t have to continue to be that way.” You CAN make a difference.
Femi Mag: Why is it necessary for a person to quiet their eight-year-old self?
Dr. Paris: I love this question. As adults, we are in our 30’s, 40’s, 50s, and 60’s; however old you are, but what shows up is a wounded little girl or boy. What I mean by that is, something probably happened to us during that age, we subconsciously forgot about it but then we get triggered, and here comes that wounded child. The wounded child makes decisions for us. And it shows up as not being good enough, light enough, dark enough, smart enough, worthy. We think something is wrong with us and we try to ‘fix’ it. Let me stop here and elegantly state, “This is nothing wrong with you.” Here’s an example that I see with my clients. Around that age, something happened when our parents got divorced, or our favorite toy or blanket was taken from us. You could have moved a lot or even been abused. As we become adults, get married, have children something will trigger us, and now that wounded little girl or boy shows up. How does it show up? Depression, abuse, hoarding, unworthiness, inappropriate behaviors, or relationships.
Femi Mag: What tips and strategies can people use to quiet their younger voice?
Dr. Paris: Take your younger self with you because they will show up if someone cuts you off in traffic, your boss does something crazy, your co-worker is up to their shenanigans again, the kids are acting up… again, you don’t get the promotion, you lose a big client, or if life shows up. At that point, you feel defeated and your younger self makes their appearance. Then, you start to create stories that aren’t true.
“I knew this would happen.”
“If I was loved more as a child”
“If my spouse didn’t cheat on me”
Blah, blah, blah. No one’s life is perfect regardless of what you see on social media. We all have our moments; it’s how you choose to respond to them. Tell your younger self to sit down and be quiet, you got this.
My tips and strategies:
- Surround yourself with people who will celebrate you (the wins and the losses)
- Forgive all the people you feel have ‘wronged’ or “done harm” to you. Make a list and after you do that, there is one more person you need to forgive. That is YOU, boo. And please do not go to the other person and tell them you have forgiven them. They probably forgot about it or simply don’t care. Forgiveness is for you. It doesn’t mean what they did was right, it simply means you are no longer willing to allow it to control your life.
- Invest in relationships and experiences, not stuff that doesn’t have any meaning.
- Set goals and intentions and review them daily.
- Discover what you want and what makes your heart sing.
- Have a plan.
- Take a technology/social media break.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique just like the other 7.9 billion people in the world. But what are you doing to stand in your uniqueness?
Femi Mag: How do you help people in your business to free them of limiting beliefs and negativity to live a more positive and productive life?
Dr. Paris: Although I say I am a professional organizer/accountability coach, it’s so much more than that. My sweet spot is working with physical clutter, but it’s not about the clutter, it’s about something else. I am very good at getting to ‘that’ something else. One of my clients recently told me that she didn’t realize that working with me she would have to reparent herself.
To have a positive and productive life, you must do something different. You must think differently. You must be willing to change. You must stop living in the past. And you must stop creating stories that aren’t true. How do you know if the story is true? Have you ever said, “I can’t figure this out, I am so stupid?” Reword it, “GOD can’t figure this out, GOD is so stupid.” I am confident in saying the latter is not true, therefore the original statement is not true either. Substitute GOD for every “I” and see if it holds true.
Femi Mag: What do you want people to understand about themselves, their possibilities, and worth?
Dr. Paris: I really want people to know they are worthy, they are ‘good enough.’ You don’t need fixing; you are perfect just the way you are. Heck, remember the saying, be you, everyone else is taken.
We must stop looking left and right. Stay focused on your heart’s desires. When we look left and right, we get distracted and taken off our path.
Femi Mag: What’s next for you?
Dr. Paris: I always looking for ways to make the world a better place. In 2021, I started a virtual retreat called Unleash. This year I’ve decided to host them every quarter. The Unleash Retreat challenges individuals to move out of their comfort zone, get clarity on their dreams, and create consistency. In January the attendees worked on their vision boards for the year. Life-changing.
You can find her here:
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Website: https://www.parisloveproductivityinstitute.com
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Writer, Debbie Stokes is a contributing writer. You can follow her @iamdebbiestokes
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