Submitted By: Evan Marshall, COO of Black Menswear.
Dear Black Men,
There is a moment many of us reach quietly and often alone when we pause and ask ourselves, how did I end up here. Not in a dramatic way, but in an honest one rooted in reflection.
I am 38. Single. Never married. No kids. That is not a confession. It is context.
For a long time, I believed love would arrive first. Partnership, family, and the visible markers of adulthood we are taught to pursue. Instead, what arrived first was space. Time. Solitude. And eventually, clarity.
Part of not being lonely is learning how to be with yourself without rushing to label that season as failure. It means sitting in your own company long enough to hear what you actually want, not what you were told you should want. That is when the real questions surface. What does my legacy truly look like. Am I becoming who I said I wanted to be or am I just staying busy. Am I destined to be alone or am I being shaped.
Self-acceptance changes everything. Once you accept yourself, your timing, your path, and your evolution, it becomes easier to accept others for who they are instead of who you need them to be. Love stops being transactional and begins to expand. It becomes less about extraction and more about presence.
One of the most grounding ideas I have encountered recently comes from How to Love Better, which reminds us that love deepens when we take responsibility for our inner world. Another comes from The Midnight Library, a thought that continues to stay with me. Just because you could have made another choice does not mean it would have been a better one.
Regret does not mean you chose wrong. Often, it means you are finally paying attention.
We have leaned into this truth through our work. Campaigns like Black Men Love were never designed to fix men or interrogate them. They were meant to widen the frame. They showed that love does not only exist in romance. It lives in how we care for ourselves and how we show up for one another.
Love showed up in reading and reflection, bell hooks beside a cup of coffee. It appeared in the calm and discipline found through golf or solo practices. It lived in art, music, and writing as forms of emotional regulation. It grew through investment in friendships and chosen family. It was reinforced by taking grooming, wellness, and rest seriously without apology.
These are not placeholders. They are foundations.
At the end of a recent breakup, an ex-partner said something that stayed with me. The bones are there. She was referring to the structure, the values, the integrity, and the capacity for love that already existed. And bones can be strengthened.
Growth does not always look like adding more. Sometimes it looks like reinforcing what is already there.
If you find yourself in a season of questioning, these are worth sitting with. Am I operating from intention or impulse. Am I building my future or borrowing dopamine from the present.
Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Sometimes it is the classroom where you finally learn how to love, yourself first, and others more honestly after that.
Black Menswear is a cultural impact agency connecting brands to a global audience of Black men. Through strategic content, influencer activation, experiential events, and community development, the agency delivers purpose-driven campaigns that help companies realize the return on investment of culture-first engagement.
With a presence across major cities and international reach, Black Menswear is transforming how brands authentically engage with culture by putting community first. For more information, visit www.blackmenswear.com.
Follow Us On Social Media!
