Catherine’s story is a beautiful example of hope, happiness, and most importantly black love.
We tend to place a time limit on when we should accomplish everything in life. One of those things is finding love by a certain age. Yet we have the pleasure of meeting a beautiful soul, Catherine Tyson who teaches us that love can be discovered at any age because no one gets to tell you when love should find you.
Three-Time Single Mother, Catherine Tyson, never anticipated that she would find love again, much less at 50 years old. Nor did she anticipate becoming a Mother again at 50. Tyson considers her story one of hope: that you can find love, happiness, and joy at any age, and to never give up the fight for pursuing a better life.
Catherine is the author of I’m Somebody’s Mama, a humorous celebration of her life as a struggling single mother to her three children with her most recent follow up book, Single Mama; Powerful not Pitiful, currently available on all platforms online. Tyson-Sewell calls the first book, the “hope that it all worked out” and the follow up book, the “hey, looks guys, it worked out”!
Let’s dive into our recent conversation with Catherine Tyson to discuss her journey to new love and her book!
Let’s get into your publications. In “I’m Somebody’s Mama” you discuss raising your three children and the struggles that came along with that. What was it in you that said, “I have to share this: my story and my experiences with the world”?
Writing a book was the farthest thing from my mind. I was minding my own business and raising my Tyson Superstars, as I called them, and I just knew that Prince Charming was going to ride up on his white horse, fall madly in love with me, and them of course, because we were all so awesome.
However, 3 and a half years into that dream I realized that he had not found me, and in fact, a whole lot of Frogs had found me and as much as I tried, no kiss had turned them into Princes!
So I started to just journal for therapy, for posterity, and probably for my sanity and it just became more and more entries and the journal took on a life of its own. During that time, I was still minding my business, raising these superstars, but this time I was now a social worker who kept running into women in the same boat who were either struggling or just making some crazy choices.
I revisited my journals and turned them into funny short stories where I could now laugh at the hard stuff. I shared them with my colleagues who thought they were hilarious and quite poignant and thought that I should do a book with these entries. At first, I wondered who would want to read about me, but then realized the bigger picture was that people who were going through what I was going through might be inspired and encouraged that I went through the same thing and had a positive outcome.
It became more of me telling people what they could or should be doing and more what I was doing or had done.
The first book was revealed your journey. Your second publication, “Single Mama; Powerful not Pitiful” follows up to the first. The title by itself is powerful and we love that. When deciding on the title, what lead you to this one?
Both of my books represent a story to me.
The first story is “God, I hope this works out” and the second one is “Hey guys, it worked out, let me tell you what I did or didn’t do”. I purposely named the second book Powerful Not Pitiful because there were many times I felt pitiful as a young woman with “all of them kids” and so it was important to share that part of the journey. But I also wanted to remind single mothers that we are more powerful than pitiful since we have been charged with such a big job for society, the next generation, and ultimately the world!
Being able to not only navigate your own life but be responsible for other humans that will ultimately become adults is a very serious thing and not to be taken lightly. If we approach that responsibility with a defeated attitude, we are doing ourselves and the world, and ultimately our precious children, a disservice.
If we begin with a Powerful mindset, then is nowhere else to go but up!
When you look back over the years as it pertains to your career, family and finding balance, what were some of your biggest obstacles?
Child care and proper supervision: all help is not good help. I had to always be vigiliant with who or where my children were.
Lack of resources and funds because I had 3 children on this journey. Unfortunately, I had to say no to many opportunities that did not work within my schedule. I had to make do with what I had regardless of how little or much that was.
No sympathy or provisions for someone who had 3 other people to worry about. As a twenty-six-year-old young woman beginning this journey, it was a baptism by fire. I needed to keep things moving even when the world was not making space or provisions for my situation; finding a way to make it happen anyway.
Raising three kids alone had to be a task. In the midst of that, it’s important and imperative to watch what we’re doing and who our kids are around. During the time frame you were raising your children, what was dating like for you?
It was absolutely nuts!
In my first book, I have a dating section that is hilarious as well as a section where I give the male characters acronyms to describe them. Many women, not only single mothers, have related to the characters there!
Choosing Wisely is a chapter in my book because it is such a crucial area for a single mother. I had to be so alert because I had children. What I might have put up with as a “Single Woman” I could not let slide being a “Single Mother”. Interestingly enough, having three children (in those days) was not the coolest thing in the dating market. And being a beautiful young woman does not help, because men do still want you, just not the package that comes with you, which was a no-go for me! Those who were cool with it (my situation) often brought other issues I was not interested in.
Being an educated woman in this seemingly vulnerable situation was challenging. I was very picky with whom I entertained because I did not need to “say yes to a mess” due to needing help with the bills. Men found my pickiness ludicrious!
However, the older-fashioned people in my life thought I should choose “a good man” even though it was obvious to me that he may have been a straight-up loser, liar or player.
Many people attempted to trick me. Even going so far as to sit at my table with my children—disliking all of them. It was crazy out in those dating streets for a hot minute.
Lying to a single mother, in an attempt to trick her, is not cool. If they do not want the responsibility of children, then they should not try to confuse that young lady. Just walk on by sir, even if she looks THAT good.
Now remarried and in a loving relationship, it’s been said you had to readjust to be “soft”. What does a more soft lifestyle look like for you?
A soft lifestyle for me was challenging at first. I now enjoy a quiet life with a very committed and loving husband, our baby, and my three amazing adult children and one granddaughter.
I had to put down the uber-independent woman attitude and allow a man to be a man (and I know that I might get some heat for that). I had to trust that someone could love and care for me and that I did not have to carry all of the burden by myself.
My husband is very traditional so we enjoy very traditional roles like who cooks and who takes out the garbage. We change roles often as well—he can mop a house spotlessly!
I am so thankful that I have finally found a man where what you see is what you get, who appreciates what it means to be honest to a fault and who wants to provide and take care of his family.
After all of the years of doing it myself, it is a welcomed change!
Let’s talk about finding love and what some feel as though we should have it all figured out by a certain age. You’ve managed to debunk that logic. What are your views on society saying we should have this or that by a certain age?
I found love a month shy of turning 50 so I believe that it is out there and possible at any age.
I always remained hopeful it was out there and chose not to see my age as a deterrent because I have always felt and said that God was preserving me for something (and yes, I truly believe that words are life so we should speak the ones that we want and not the ones that we don’t want).
Life looks different than it did 20 years ago so that leaves room for you to do what makes you happy as long as it not harmful to anyone or society as a whole because we must also be good stewards of our world. Giving ourselves permission to be happy and create our destiny is crucial in the uncertain world that we live in.
I just truly believe that we need to live by our own rules and not be pressured by what society thinks we should be doing because society changes its mind all the time, and then what, we should just continue to follow their opinions? I think not. Just live and be happy and ride it until the wheels fall off because life is a blessing.
What advice would you give moms that are attempting to juggle family, career, and life?
First off I would tell them to stop trying to have it all because that will just wear you out and someone is going to suffer. And you are not Superwoman– that is for the movies!
Pace yourself and do the best that you can with your gifts and blessings every day.
Focus on yourself throughout the process of taking care of everyone else and juggling it all. Make sure that you are ok because if you are not ok, then your children may not be ok.
Find some time for yourself and your dreams and save some energy for you, because you matter too.
And even if it is tough now, just know that it does get easier, they grow up and out and the rewards will far outweigh the difficult times. Be gentle with yourself and savor every moment with those loved ones because they are the real deal and will matter more than the career will in the long run.
Be sure to connect with Catherine Tyson on Instagram, here.
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