TaMia Speaks lives in Houston, Texas after having grown up in Flint, Michigan.
From Flint to Texas, her journey has been filled with highs and lows, including her entry into behavioral health, graduation from an HBCU with a psychology degree, and experiences of spiritual and narcissistic abuse.
Through her journey of genuine self-care, she realized the importance of cultivating self-awareness and emotional intelligence. These skills enabled her to build thriving relationships, improve her confidence, and live authentically. Unfortunately, these critical skills are not widely known or taught in society. Nonetheless, they are essential life skills that can be applied to all areas of life, including but not limited to parent-child, platonic, romantic, and workplace relationships.
TaMia has spent the last decade intentionally working on her healing journey by addressing her trauma and inner child. This has significantly improved her mental and physical wellness. Drawing from both her personal experiences and professional expertise, she has created a safe space for you to either begin or continue your wellness journey. Here, you are given the freedom to be vulnerable, deconstruct who you are, and improve your confidence to reinvent yourself as many times as you desire.
In an age of over-sharing on social media, tell us some ways that parents can identify the signs of cyberbullying and how they can protect their children and themselves from it.
Signs of cyber-bullying are very similar to other mental health symptoms which include but are not limited to withdrawing from friends and family, appearing anxious or upset after using devices, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and frequently leaving school or classes early; all of which could be signs of depression, anxiety or suicidal ideation. Protecting children from cyberbullying begins before it happens by building rapport with your children; and creating an open line of communication on the topic and mental health symptoms related to it. It is important to be understanding, patient, and gentle when discussing mental health to ensure that you create a safe environment for your child to speak freely on the subject.
What about the bullying happening in churches that are deemed “safe spaces.” How can leaders in the churches better handle bullying from those considered “God-fearing”?
We have to remove the stigma of mental health-related issues being non-existent in the church. Bullying can happen by those who feel as though they are more saved, more gifted, more blessed, more important, or feel overall more favored by God than others; this can come across in demeanor and direct or indirect sly comments. For church leaders, it is important to address and call out such behaviors that may be harmful, and the damage they can cause to another person. It is necessary to emphasize the importance of mindfulness and personal accountability in leadership and congregants.
What is your personal experience with bullying?
My experience with bullying started in high school. Although I was somewhat popular, funny, and easy to get along with, there was one girl in particular who did not care for me. One day at practice for our school fashion show, she intentionally made her way down the center aisle with me and bumped me (it was just the two of us in the aisle). As a passive, nonconfrontational teen I continued walking as if nothing happened. Over time things escalated, I’m not sure why, and depression set in; I slept more, ate less, and felt empty. Since mental health wasn’t as prevalent back then, the only language I had to describe how I felt was sad. My next experience with bullying would be in my early 20s when I became heavily involved in church, bullying and manipulation went hand in hand during this time. I was bullied and manipulated into attending services and participating in activities I had no energy for; I was always to blame when something went wrong and was talked about in group chats and by church members who were old enough to be my mother. I completely lost myself in this space, suffering from debilitating anxiety and waves of depression that I was unable to speak on (it simply was not emotionally safe to do so). I almost spiritually died before building up the courage to leave everything I thought was “right” and good for me.
How can we become more awakened to be self-aware of our own needs over others?
I once heard someone say that when you say yes to one thing you automatically say no to something else, that “something else” is usually ourselves. As women, especially Black women, we say yes to a lot of things for the betterment of everything and everyone else around us (husband, kids, work, parents, friends); We do this to the point of exhaustion, without taking breaks or asking for help. We give until we are burnt out. It is engraved in us to see everything else as a priority but ourselves. It is vital that you understand that you are the priority in your life, and I don’t mean that in a conceited type of way, but in a healthy sense of self way. Keep in the forefront of your mind, that you can only serve others to the depth that you have served yourself. You are worthy and deserving of the same time, energy, passion, and love that you give. So, the next time you say yes to something, ask yourself what am I saying no to?
How can we be more vulnerable in a society that at times (bullies ) judges and teases us for displaying signs of emotion?
I believe we need to change our perception and relationship with our emotions. Often times when we are sad, embarrassed, hurt, or ashamed, we refer to them as negative emotions which at some point we reject, ignore, or find unhealthy coping mechanisms for. But if we could shift our experience and perspective with our ever-changing emotional state as one that is human and normal, we can change the way we interact with ourselves and others. Vulnerability is created by consistent interactions that are safe, inclusive, and where people have access to proper resources. It is going to take intentional work to learn not to run from thoughts, feelings, and situations that make us feel uncomfortable but to work through them in a healthy and meaningful way.
Stay Connected with Tamia Speaks by visiting her website at: https://www.tamiaspeaks.com/
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