Former Pro Football Player turned Marriage & Family Therapist, and Author, Jay Barnett has come into a truly deep & profound knowledge of who he is!
His understanding of the importance of letting go and sharing emotions that are free of judgment & the toxicity that is often found in statements young men often grow up hearing such as “Man-Up” & “Don’t Be Soft” that can commonly be heard in locker rooms across the nation as well as sometimes amongst peer groups.
He has gained his delicate balance of embracing vulnerability while not losing one ounce of his masculinity. This has been developed through his own journey of counseling after finding himself going through a dark time in his own personal life in which he had to redefine his own identity outside of football. This ultimately led him to where he is now as a well-respected therapist who has made appearances on popular talk shows such as the Sherri Shepard show & Charlamagne the God’s, Hell of a Week, as well as other popular radio shows and podcasts all while remaining humble, down to earth, and his authentic self. One of his favorite sayings is “You Can Not Heal What You Are Not Willing To Reveal” & his candor is always proudly on display so that others can do exactly that, “Just Heal.”
As a product of a single-parent home who has had my own battle with depression, and not wanting to live anymore, I for one am so thankful for his message and openness. I believe as you read my talk with him, you will be inspired and well-informed.
Tell us about your Pro Football Days.
I was an undrafted free agent in 2006 with the Green Bay Packers. After not making the team, I spent two seasons in the Arena Football league as a Fullback/Left back.
What led to your transition from sports into counseling & motivational speaking? How was it making the change?
I had suffered much trauma during my childhood. Football was my haven, and when my career ended at 27, I found myself in a very dark place. I attempted suicide twice and failed, and as a result, decided to give therapy a try. In doing so it was the place where I discovered parts of myself that I had forgotten because I never dealt with anything during football. There is no time to feel your emotions because you are so focused on performing. After a few years of working on myself, I decided to return to school to become a therapist, and I felt I had a unique way of understanding certain aspects of theories and concepts that I could convey to the Black community. Honestly, I had never seen a Black Male therapist. I began writing books sharing my story, which led to speaking, which was natural, my father is a pastor, and he would have me speak as a kid, so it was a natural action for me to stand & present before people. I knew I had something valuable & important to share.
Do you feel that as an athlete & Black male particularly you had been conditioned not to show emotion?
Most Black athletes have been conditioned not to feel emotional or physically. We’re shaped to believe that feeling makes you weak especially in the field of play because you cannot allow your opponent to see your vulnerability. This translates into how we do life because the programming requires effort to adjust. The expectations are higher, and I believe there is a notion that we’re more robust and have this natural ability to push through anything, and truthfully most Black Athletes need sports. For many of us, sports are a safe place and outlet from our environment. Also, it sometimes provided a sense of belonging because many of us do not have positive male figures in our lives, and coaches become fathers.
Check out the Full Interview with Jay Barnett by ordering your copy of our JAN| FEB Black Love Issue!
