Reka Robinson Speaks on Self-Love & Showing Up to Remind Yourself, You’re ‘That Girl’, Even without Him

“Self-love is the best love,” as Ari Lennox sings it, but sometimes we are too busy to take the time to give it. When women neglect to properly love themselves by joining relationships that would make doing so nearly impossible, it is people like Reka Robinson who gently gather us one-by-one like freshly picked roses in the garden of transformation. She serves to remind us of our worth and that we, not to our surprise, have work to do.

As a radio personality and certified life coach, Reka Robinson has taken measures into her own hands to ensure no woman on her watch neglects to show up for herself by trying to show up for stagnant, self-depleting relationships. She is the founder of the Single You Academy and Single You the Podcast, a platform for career-driven 21st-century women who want to learn how to: understand their worth without being tied to men, stop giving away their best to insecure, narcissistic, and abusive men, recognize that singleness is NOT a punishment, and to stop allowing sex to keep them in unhealthy relationships.

The impact and power of her voice and stance have led Robinson to be named in the Top 10 Female Coaches Transforming Lives by Yahoo Finance. Best believe her growing audience of women who are eager to get out of non-serving relationships are on stand-by with glasses raised, ready to be filled by Robinson.

We had the opportunity to chat with Robinson about the work she does and her own experience with an abusive relationship that became a stepping stone.

The work you do, as I can imagine, has left such a powerful, life-changing impact on many women from all backgrounds and walks of life. What inspired you to cater your work specifically to career-driven women in the 21st century?

My own experience with being in an emotionally abusive relationship, plus realizing that no one ever had the conversation with me about what makes a healthy relationship vs. unhealthy relationships. In the work that I do, I’ve found that almost 100 percent of the women I work with and speak to also have never been given that conversation.

I think most women logically know that self-love matters and can sing, “know yourself, know your worth,” with the best of them. However, most women don’t know what self-love tangibly looks like. This is why they are allowing men to walk all over them and consistently minimizing themselves for him.

No judgment; when I say most women, I’m talking about me. I was her, she was me, and so are my clients. Until we do the work, we will constantly trust that he will change, and he never does, but we stay looking for a connection in the hope that he will change. Or we just become bitter and believe all men are dogs. My prayer is that no woman becomes bitter but instead chooses to learn, grow and change from the situations she’s been in.

My philosophy about self-love = it’s in your boundaries. That’s how you show yourself, you love yourself. The relationship you have with yourself determines the relationship you’ll have with men, your kids, and other people. So, instead of thinking all men are dogs, ask yourself, why did I put up with him? Why didn’t I believe him when he showed me who he was, as Maya Angelou would have wanted me to?

You have had your own experience with an abusive relationship. As hard as it may be, you do extremely well in using your past to help and empower the next woman. What lessons were learned from this experience that you incorporate in your teachings?

We’re bad at boundaries, which is why I teach boundaries. I’m not a dating coach, but I am a boundaries coach, which in the end will help you date with wisdom. My clients walk away tangibly, knowing how to set and keep a boundary. Often we know what we want but don’t know how to get it, so we cave because he’s so fine. We’re lonely, and we don’t truly understand what married people mean by ‘marriage is hard.’ We don’t know what lens these so-called married folks are speaking from. We don’t realize, internally, that our definition of hard can come from the toxic programming we received before 10. There is a difference between healthy hard vs. dysfunctional vs. abusive.

So, we’ll climb the ladder as career women and take all the leadership classes, or get another degree we believe is required for us to achieve the career we want, but we will never invest in classes for self-love and healthy relationships. This is at our discernment and a reason why we continue to be in dysfunctional relationships.

I personally feel there is a societal standard that being married or even having a steady relationship going before you reach a certain age is pushed. What do you tell women who are in their 30’s, 40’s and so on that feel they are behind due to their single season?

You must change the way you think about yourself, love, dating, and most importantly, the way you think and feel about being single.

My 4 pillars in executing a successful single life are:

Know who you are (deeper than your favorite color).

Know what you want and how to get it.

Have the audacity to believe that you can get it.

Have the patience to wait for it.

It’s not enough to just say you know who you are, you know your worth, and whatever affirmations you’re saying to yourself. It’s looking at your choices and changing your behavior if you don’t like what you see. The only way to change your behavior is to transform your mind.

Once you truly believe that singleness is not a punishment, you will date differently. So if you genuinely want to change your behavior, if you genuinely want to transform the way you think. Then you must invest in yourself. That can mean many things, therapy and/or a coach and/or a mentor, whatever works for you, but it must extend beyond asking for tips.

That’s how I changed, and I encourage every woman to do the same. If you want to be a lawyer, you go to law school. You don’t ask your friends for tips. So, if you want a healthy relationship with yourself and with men, why wouldn’t you go to school for it?

As a single, career-driven woman in her late 30’s, how does Reka Robinson maneuver through life? You have this awesome career, but do you ever feel the not-so-desirable effects of being single that some women may deem hard to push to the side?

I assume the undesirable effects of being single are the thoughts of feeling lonely. I do still feel that sometimes because I desire a husband, but that’s fleeting and I refuse to ever be in a relationship just to have a boyfriend.

After getting out of my emotionally abusive relationship, I asked myself 3 questions: Who am I?, Who does God say I am?, How do I want to show up in this world from now on? I started there, and since 2017, I haven’t stopped asking myself different iterations of those questions, which helps me stay on top of myself, my emotions, self-care, and self-love. For me, it’s way deeper than massages and bubble baths. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not doing a combination of the following: talking to God, praying, reading a book, listening to a podcast, or a sermon. All of it aids in keeping my mind sharp.

I also make sure the five people I surround myself with are helping me grow. Those aren’t the aunts and family members that constantly ask “So, where is your man at?”. This includes hiring a coach and/or a therapist to hold me accountable for the things I say I want. It’s all about picking me repeatedly, especially when it’s hard, that keeps me on this journey.

What can people look forward to seeing from you in the near future?

I am working on building my now 501c3 called You First Academy to continue to provide resources to women of color that aren’t able to afford my coaching services. Plus, new episodes of Single You the Podcast every Thursday, which strives to continue the message “you are worthy regardless of your relationship status.”

Keep up with Reka Robinson and her work at https://singleyouacademy.com/.