{"id":4912,"date":"2021-08-26T11:09:48","date_gmt":"2021-08-26T15:09:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/femimagazine.com\/?p=4912"},"modified":"2021-08-26T11:11:48","modified_gmt":"2021-08-26T15:11:48","slug":"dr-pamela-gurley-teaches-black-women-how-to-heal-and-love-themselves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/femimagazine.com\/?p=4912","title":{"rendered":"Dr. Pamela Gurley Teaches Black Women How to Heal and Love Themselves"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

As a retired United States Army Veteran, who holds a Bachelor\u2019s in Psychology, a Master\u2019s in Health Service Administration, and a Doctorate in Management, Dr. Pamela Gurley has taken all her knowledge and dedicated her life to enriching others. The CEO and Founder of numerous companies, has positioned herself as a contributor to people ready to live an unapologetic wholesome life. Her empowering motivational creative writings, along with speaking engagements, and media platforms has given quite a lot of people the ability to keep pushing forward.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Author was kind enough to sit with FEMI Magazine to share with us her thoughts on her book \u201cI am Not a Stereotype\u201d, negativity to black women\/self-love for black women and so much more. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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In your book, \u201cI Am Not a Stereotype<\/a>\u201d you speak on how mentally taxing it is to be a black woman in America. Tell us more about the book and why you feel there is a lack of support and respect for black women in America.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Am Not a Stereotype: I Am H.E.R is a book about accepting and living in my truth as a black<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

woman and what it means to me from a place of authenticity. It is about knowing I am imperfect<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

and loving every part of it. It is also about overcoming toxicity and accepting my responsibility<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

for protecting others over protecting myself. I wanted to share my journey, thoughts, and<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

perceptions with the world to show how easy it can be as a child to be socialized by false<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

narratives and how toxic it can make a person who wants to belong or fit in. The way it is written<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

is conversational and allows others to have their own introspective journeys through my<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

experience and perceptions.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t write my book because there was a lack of support or respect for black women in<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

America (though there is). I wrote my book because black women are so undervalued and<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

unrepresented, and to some degree, we have to look at ourselves first to understand why. We<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

are taught we have to be strong and protect everyone. But who protects us? That way of<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

thinking is why our community is so toxic, broken, and still healing. We don\u2019t know how to be<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

supportive because we act as if we don\u2019t need anyone else. We need each other! That is the<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

first level of support that we lack and also why we lack respect.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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How do you silence the outside noises of negativity about black women?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t believe there is a way to silence what exists; nor do I believe silencing the outside noises<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

should be ignored. I do believe you can choose to not subscribe to it. \u201cNoise\u201d is inevitable in a<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

world with racism, socialism, classism, discrimination, colorism, lack of equity\u2026or everything<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

else that exist that makes it difficult to a black woman. I can speak up about it, I can write about<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

it, I can ignite conversations about it, and I also ensure I set an example to others rather than<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

perpetuate false, stereotypical behaviors.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you feel about the angry black woman images that have been portrayed in the<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

entertainment world? How can black women change the narrative?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I honestly don\u2019t feel one way or the other about it anymore. The whole \u201cangry black woman\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

stereotype is such a falsified characteristic placed on every black woman that being offended or<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

annoyed is a waste of energy. Everyone gets angry. It is a natural emotional response we all<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

have a right to own. White men have been far angrier for years than any black woman I know,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

yet they don\u2019t get classified or stereotyped as anything derogatory or belittling.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The narrative can be changed by protecting what resonates outside of our community. What I<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

mean by that is, black men not degrading black women to other races or to one another, that<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

black women protect and stand up for other black women who are ill-spoken about, and that<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

everyone recognize and normalize that black women are entitled to be angry if and when<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

warranted just like everyone else in this world.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You teach black women that they need to heal, get real, forgive and learn to sit on <\/strong>their<\/p>\n\n\n\n

pedestals. Explain the process towards healing from painful relationships and experiences so they can wear their crowns?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman sitting on her pedestal is not about her wearing a crown (per se). The pedestal<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

philosophy is about not allowing yourself to be placed on anyone else\u2019s pedestal (not a man,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

parents, or child\u2019s). It is about ALWAYS sitting on your own.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you place someone on a pedestal, you are holding someone to an unrealistic standard or<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

expectation of perfection (and vice versa). It is saying that you are not able to live up to that<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

expectation, so you expect someone else, too. It is a breeding ground for personal toxicity and<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

toxic relationships. Healing to get to where you sit on your pedestal is about recognizing a very<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

transparent and holistic level of awareness, self-confidence, and imperfect humanness.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How can black women learn to love themselves in a world where they are constantly compared to other races when it comes to beauty and it\u2019s often said black women are the least to be chosen for marriage?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t believe anyone \u201clearns\u201d to love themselves. I do believe (and feel) we are \u201cconditioned\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

not to. We are socially & subliminally exposed to music, television, and other forms of media<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

that criticize our physical features, actions, and characteristics that affect the way we see<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ourselves. So, how black women can \u201clearn\u201d to love themselves is to expose themselves to<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

more accurate forms of black representation (entertainment, media, & music). It also goes back<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

to women sitting on their pedestal because that means authentic self-love and self-acceptance.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And honestly, I don\u2019t feel we are \u201ccompared\u201d to other races. I do feel other races desire to be<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

like us so badly that it has changed what is considered a physical standard of beauty (which to<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

me, made black women hate themselves even more). Cultural appropriation is not new. And<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

neither are other races that degrade black features, yet pay to have them (lips, butts, etc). Now,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

it\u2019s as if it\u2019s a racial competition of who can have the biggest butt, longest hair, slimmest<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

waist\u2026{sighing}.<\/em> And I don\u2019t feel we are least likely to be chosen for marriage. I feel that is being said more<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

recently about us because black women are choosing not to settle or choosing careers first and<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

relationships second. Personally, I feel a woman who is professionally, mentally, and emotionally<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

successful AND single by choice intimidates a man who is not spiritually aligned with her<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

greatness so they want to find things wrong with black women to make themselves feel better.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here again, we need to be mindful of what resonates outside of our community.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For more information be sure to connect with Dr. Pamela Gurley on Social Media<\/a> and check out her book “Brown Girl, Be Social”.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Image Credit: DeAsia Photography<\/p>\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a retired United States Army Veteran, who holds a Bachelor\u2019s in Psychology, a Master\u2019s in Health Service Administration, and a Doctorate in Management,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":4921,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"apple_news_api_created_at":"","apple_news_api_id":"","apple_news_api_modified_at":"","apple_news_api_revision":"","apple_news_api_share_url":"","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_is_hidden":false,"apple_news_is_paid":false,"apple_news_is_preview":false,"apple_news_is_sponsored":false,"apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_metadata":"\"\"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_slug":"","apple_news_sections":"\"\"","apple_news_suppress_video_url":false,"apple_news_use_image_component":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[1357,51,44,1356,18,1355,54,153,12],"class_list":["post-4912","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-andrew-joseph","tag-black-culture","tag-black-women","tag-dr-pamela-gurley","tag-femi-magazine","tag-heal","tag-lifestyle","tag-marriage","tag-relationships"],"aioseo_notices":[],"apple_news_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\nDr. Pamela Gurley Teaches Black Women How to Heal and Love Themselves - 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