Dr. Adolph “Doc” Brown, a renowned mental health expert, says, “Whatever is on your plate gets served to those you love and interact with. The past is a place for reference, not residence: don’t dwell.”
Doc Brown is a clinical psychologist and co-host of ABC’s The Parent Test.
On the show, Dr. Adolph Brown along with co-host Ali Wentworth explore different parenting styles — from helicopter to child-led — by putting 12 families under the microscope in the ultimate parenting stress test and sharing the learnings. In our recent interview with him, we were able to dive deep into conversation to better understand how we can best parent our kids and communicate better.
How did you get the job as the co-host of ABC’s The Parent Test?
I am a child and family clinical psychologist, author, and master teacher. After over two decades as a tenured full professor and dean at Hampton University, I was frequently called upon to facilitate master classes as a human and organizational behavior expert. This was quite challenging at first because my major content areas are among the most sensitive, yet crucial topics in our culture – “the school to prison pipeline,” “diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), “society’s invisible emotional backpack,” and “parenting children without your ghosts.” These topics hold immense importance in our culture, and I am grateful to shed love, light, and insight on them. Over the years the demand for these courses has skyrocketed and I find myself touring 7-8 months out of the year, sharing knowledge and wisdom with corporations, universities, public schools, and faith communities. It’s been an incredible journey, and I am humbled by the positive response I have received.
After a large conference in Las Vegas, Nevada titled “My Brother’s Keeper!” a woman by the name of Jackie Stern approached me. She expressed excitement and said, “How come I don’t know you? The world needs to know you! Your content was so authentic, relatable, smart, and funny!” As an introvert, I was taken aback by such a wonderful compliment. She handed me her business card, and I, in my usual manner put it in my briefcase without much thought.
Little did I know that this encounter would lead to something extraordinary. Jackie Stern of Stern Entertainment is now my manager, who connected me with a phenomenal PR agency led by Valerie Allen, and my reach to spread love, light, and insight has expanded tremendously. I am grateful for this opportunity to reach even more people and make a positive impact on their lives.
I must also mention the incredible women who make up my entertainment team. My wife Marla serves as the director aka “The Director of Awesome”, my daughter Maranda Moore is the operations manager aka “The Chief Amazement Officer”, and Laura McDonald at The Gersh Agency is my agent. Their brilliance and support have been invaluable, and I am blessed to have them by my side.
As we all know, parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual. However, do you feel there are better techniques than others?
As a child and family psychologist, whenever I talk about the wonderful adventure of parenting I share how there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to raising our little ones. Every child and family is beautifully unique, and that’s something to celebrate!
While there’s no magic formula, research suggests that certain parenting practices can promote healthy development and well-being in our precious kiddos. So, let’s dive into some general guidelines that show the most promise.
Parenting styles that exhibit warmth, responsiveness, consistency, structure, effective communication, positive reinforcement, setting of realistic expectations, and active involvement show the most promise. Remember, these are just general guidelines! Each child has their own unique needs and temperament. So, adapt your parenting style accordingly and embrace the beautiful journey of discovering what works best for your little one.
If you ever find yourself facing specific parenting challenges, don’t hesitate to seek support from professionals like child psychologists, pediatricians, or family therapists. They can provide valuable guidance and help you navigate through any hurdles you may encounter.
Let’s also remember to celebrate our diverse parenting styles and the incredible love we pour into raising our children! Together, we’re creating a brighter future for our little ones.
Explain what an emotional backpack is.
We all have our own unique journeys, filled with experiences that have shaped us into who we are today. Sometimes, these experiences can leave us carrying a little extra weight in our hearts. But fear not, because understanding the concept of the invisible emotional backpack which refers to the metaphorical weight that we all carry due to unresolved emotional issues and experiences can help us lighten the load and soar towards a happier, more fulfilling life!
Just like a physical backpack, our emotionally invisible backpack can hold a mix of emotions. It might contain unresolved trauma, grief, guilt, shame, or anxiety. These emotions can weigh us down, affecting our overall well-being and relationships. But here’s the good news – we have the power to unpack and release them!
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. We all have our own backpacks, and it’s okay to ask for support when needed. Reach out to your loved ones, friends, or even professionals who can lend a listening ear or provide guidance. Together, we can lighten the load and find healing.
Let’s encourage each other to take small steps towards self-care and self-compassion. Practice mindfulness, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with positive influences. Remember, you deserve happiness and peace of mind!
Why do we carry this emotional backpack into adulthood? How do we unpack it?
Throughout our lives, we accumulate unresolved emotions, experiences, and traumas from our past. It’s like carrying around a heavy backpack filled with stuff we haven’t fully dealt with. This baggage can be carried from childhood into adulthood. Here are some of the reasons the invisible emotional backpack makes its way from our childhood into our adult lives:
1. Unresolved childhood experiences: Our early experiences shape our emotional development. If we haven’t had the chance to process and resolve these experiences, they can continue to impact us in adulthood. But guess what? It’s never too late to heal and grow!
2. Cultural and societal influences: Society, culture, and family dynamics can contribute to the emotional baggage we carry. But remember, you have the power to challenge these influences and align with your authentic self. You are unique and amazing just the way you are!
3. Coping mechanisms: We all develop coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges. While they may have helped us survive in the past, they can become outdated and keep us from resolving our emotions. But fear not! You can learn new, healthier ways to cope and thrive.
4. Fear of vulnerability: Opening up about our emotions and seeking help can be scary. But let me tell you, vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. By reaching out for support, you create space for healing, growth, and connection.
Remember, emotional baggage is a common human experience. But here’s the good news: it’s never too late to address it. Seeking support from a therapist or psychologist can provide a safe space to explore and process these emotions, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and work toward personal growth and healing.
Unpacking the invisible emotional backpack begins with the revelation of what you are carrying and determining if it is indeed yours to carry. The process of self-reflection is helpful by journaling, reflecting, meditating, and unplugging devices to have quiet space to think. Writing will often allow you to identify and label your emotions leading to a better understanding of what you are feeling. Once you identify the negative emotions, it is possible to challenge negative thoughts. It is important to refrain from being overwhelmed with your negative emotions by utilizing strategies to practice emotional regulation like breathing exercises, mindfulness (fully engaged in the present moment rather than being caught up in regrets about the past or worries about the future), or grounding exercises (techniques to help individuals feel more present and connected to the present moment). Self-care is an essential part of unpacking your emotional backpack as you find activities to engage in that promote your well-being such as exercise, hobbies, spending time in nature, or practicing relaxation techniques.
How important is unplugging from our devices to spend time with our loved ones?
Unplugging from our devices and spending quality time with loved ones is highly important for our well-being and the health of our relationships. Here are some reasons why:
1. Connection and Bonding: Spending device-free time with loved ones allows for genuine connection and bonding. It creates an opportunity to engage in meaningful conversations, share experiences, and strengthen emotional ties. This can deepen relationships and foster a sense of belonging and support.
2. Active Listening: When we unplug from our devices, we can actively listen to our loved ones without distractions. This means giving them our full attention, understanding their perspectives, and validating their feelings. Active listening promotes empathy, understanding, and effective communication.
3. Quality Time: Unplugging from devices allows us to dedicate quality time solely to our loved ones. It enables us to engage in activities together, such as going for walks, playing games, or simply enjoying each other’s company. Quality time fosters positive memories, builds shared experiences, and enhances the overall connection.
4. Mindfulness and Presence: Being present in the moment with loved ones without the constant distraction of devices promotes mindfulness. It helps us appreciate the here and now, savor the experiences, and cultivate gratitude for the relationships we have. Mindfulness can reduce stress, increase happiness, and improve overall well-being.
5. Setting Boundaries: Unplugging from devices and prioritizing time with loved ones helps establish healthy boundaries between our online and offline lives. It allows us to create a balance that ensures our relationships receive the attention they deserve, while also maintaining a healthy relationship with technology.
Remember, it’s important to communicate with your loved ones about the importance of unplugging and spending device-free time together. By setting mutual expectations and boundaries, you can create a supportive environment that encourages quality time and strengthens your relationships.
How do you discuss difficult news topics with your kids?
As a child and family psychologist, I understand that discussing difficult news topics with children can be challenging. It’s important to approach these conversations with care and sensitivity. Here are some suggestions to help you navigate such discussions:
1. Create a safe and open environment: Ensure that your child feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. Let them know that you are there to listen and support them.
2. Use age-appropriate language: Tailor your explanations to your child’s age and level of understanding. Avoid overwhelming them with complex details and use simple, clear language.
3. Be honest and factual: Provide accurate information while considering your child’s emotional readiness. Answer their questions truthfully, but avoid unnecessary graphic or distressing details.
4. Validate their feelings: Encourage your child to express their emotions and validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s normal to feel sad, angry, or confused about difficult news.
5. Offer reassurance and hope: Help your child understand that people are working to address the situation and that positive actions are being taken. Emphasize the importance of resilience and the ability to overcome challenges.
6. Encourage critical thinking: Engage your child in a discussion about the news topic, encouraging them to think critically and ask questions. This can help them develop a better understanding and cope with the information.
7. Monitor media exposure: Limit your child’s exposure to distressing news, especially if they are young. Shielding them from excessive exposure can help prevent unnecessary anxiety or fear.
8. Maintain routines and provide support: During challenging times, it’s important to maintain a sense of normalcy. Stick to regular routines and provide emotional support to help your child feel secure.
Remember, every child is unique, and their reactions may vary. If you notice significant changes in their behavior or emotions, consider seeking professional help from a child psychologist or therapist who can provide further guidance tailored to your child’s specific needs.
Will there be a season two of The Parent Test and do you have any similar programs or projects in the works?
The Parent Test has not yet been renewed or canceled, however, we have many fantastic and value-added projects in the works. I’m most excited about the possibility of joining the ranks of a daytime talk show host featuring real-life examples and strategies for self-improvement, self-empowerment, and self-healing. This will be a platform where we can come together, share our experiences, and learn from one another. A place where we can uplift and support each other on our journey towards becoming the best versions of ourselves. Stay tuned for more updates!
Dr. Brown is the author of acclaimed books, including the international mental wellness best seller, Two Backpacks. Other best sellers authored by Dr. Brown include a business soft skills classic – Championship Habits; and the education classic – Real Talk.
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